This I believe...
by Dan Rubin
June 2007
I believe that I'm quite good at aikido. I'm making great progress in my physical ability and my understanding of the principles and concepts. In all modesty, I expect to be a shihan someday. That's how I know it's Sunday.
Because on Mondays, I believe that I'm a total failure at aikido. My skills suck and every day I understand less than I did the day before. I'm wasting my time and my partners' time. I should switch to Tae Bo.
Tuesdays are a little better. I'm confused, true, but I believe that I've figured out a little part of what Sensei has been telling us for the past umpteen years. This is encouraging, and reassures me that I'm making constant progress, if slowly.
Why are there Wednesdays? Wouldn't a six-day week be more efficient? Today I read some great articles about aikido and watched some amazing video on YouTube. Why is everyone so much smarter and more knowledgeable and more skilled than I am? I'm afraid to return to the dojo, because I believe that the beginners who started last month are already better than I am.
It's Thursday. This evening's class was great. Lots of students on the mat, lots of energy. I believe that aikido is really about the camaraderie of the dojo, anyway. I love aikido.
TGIF. Everyone is tired and looking forward to going out for drinks and dinner after class. I believe that my partners are finally treating me with the respect that I'm due. Uh-oh, here comes that college kid.
A moment ago some woman threw me so hard my eyes crossed. "Are you OK?" she asked. She always asks me that after she throws me hard, and I believe that her concern does make me feel better. Or does it just make her feel better? And why does she have that smirk on her face? What day is this? I hate aikido. It must be Saturday.
Sunday, Monday, all week long,
Bowing, kneeling, rolling wrong,
Twisting wrists and getting twisted,
Aching joints 'cause I resisted
Nage's throw, he threw me harder,
Now it's my turn, but why bother? I should
Switch to team sports, share the misery,
Read a lot about baseball history,
Play outdoors, get a tan,
Let the boy out of the man.
Quit aikido, that's my decision,
Just as soon as I envision
How to blend and unify and
How to enter deep and why I'm
Not connected to my navel.
Someday soon, I'll be able
To solve all the mysteries.
I can't help it. I believe.
Dan Rubin, sandan, trains regularly at Boulder Aikikai in Boulder, Colorado. After thirty-four years with the Denver Police Department, he recently retired, holding the rank of Captain. Click here for another essay by Dan Rubin. For seminar reviews he has written, please go to our seminar reviews page.